04.12.09

white

01:37

i don't want to lose him.

i guess i've reached the 'breaking point.' i mean, we're happily going along, and he hasn't a clue about these 'issues'. but i know how it would work...it would creep in eventually, and i'd be more obsessed with it than with life, and he'd try to make me see straight, but i wouldn't be able to, and then he'd give up on me. or decide it wasn't worth it.

well i'm not willing for that to happen. i've been completely fine w/ no purging. no urge to binge...urges to starve but they can be calmed with slight restriction. i know, i know, slight spirals into major, but i am fairly certain i won't go down that road this time. i don't have the energy needed to starve. ha! the irony.

it just hit me tonight when he was at my house. i was lying beside him, watchin a movie, playing with the computer, that i can't lose him. he means so much to me, and if i screw it up then i honestly would never forgive myself. ever. so i don't know how i'm going to go about getting this 'issue' out of my life, but i'm going to do it. somehow.


before <---> after